by Dean Cortez
I’ve talked to hundreds of women about the qualities they find most attractive in men, and a sense of humor is usually the first quality they mention.
But are women being phony when they say this? Are they giving this answer because they don’t want to appear shallow — when what they REALLY go for is a tall, muscular hunk with a hot car and a fat bank account?
If the ability to make a woman laugh was such a huge turn-on, then wouldn’t stand-up comedians get laid more than rock stars?
I mean, we all know guys with a “class clown” personality who are constantly saying hilarious things, and they’re usually the LAST guys to hook up. Women find them amusing, but don’t feel any SEXUAL ATTRACTION.
Here’s the truth about dating single women. When women say they love a sense of humor, what they really mean is they love the DEEPER ATTITUDE that a sense of humor points to. Guys who are funny, playful and nonchalant around women — and even better, can bust on women and tease them a little — are obviously confident and in control of their reality.
These guys don’t look to women for approval. They don’t radiate anxiety. They never seem like they NEED to get a woman’s phone number or hook up with her.
This goes back to two principles that I preach in The Alpha Rules, the explosive book I wrote with Carlos Xuma:
1.Women love men who present a challenge.
2.Women are always intrigued by men who are “in demand” and seem to have many other romantic options.
Women, by nature, are jealous and competitive when it comes to men. Give her the sense that she’ll have to step up and WIN you away from other women, and the game is on! A playful, cocky guy radiates this attitude. Meeting and dating single women becomes easy.
Having this attitude means you’ve got to stop second-guessing yourself. You’ve got to squash that little voice in your head that tells you why you SHOULDN’T approach a girl, or try to escalate to a romantic level with her.
The average guy takes himself WAY too seriously when it comes to women, and is constantly asking himself unnecessary questions:
“Does this shirt look good on me?”
“Is she going to get annoyed if I walk up and talk to her?”
“What if she has a boyfriend?”
“Where should I take her on a date?”
“What if we run out of things to talk about?”
“If I ask for her phone number, will she think I’m some stalker?”
“Is it too soon to try to touch her?”
When you allow your brain to fire off these questions, it destroys your ability to be fun, spontaneous and playful.This is when dating single women feels like a frustrating (and even depressing!) ordeal.
You’re allowing yourself to be preoccupied by unimportant details, when you SHOULD be asking yourself questions that boost your confidence and remind you to stay sharp and on top of your game:
“This girl is cute, but is she interesting enough for ME to date?”
“Is she smart and funny enough to hold a conversation with me?”
“What can I teach this girl, that she’d never learn from the average guy?” “What should I mention about myself, to really make this girl curious about me?”
“How far am I going to take this tonight, and what’s my plan?”
Now, in terms of the verbal questions that you ask women, you’ve also got to learn how to “spin” them to make them effective. When you’re getting to know a girl, and you make a request that she can simply say “no” to, chances are she will:
Him: Can I buy you a drink?
Her: No.
Him: Can I have your number?
Her: No.
Him: Can I kiss you?
Her: No.
Him: Want to go back to my place?
Her: Hell no.
Him: Can I see you again?
Her: I’m actually really busy…for the next six months…
When you’re out there dating single women, another great technique is to rephrase your questions so that you give women “false choices.” This means you are not giving her the chance to say “no.” You are assuming that she’s going to go with your flow. Lead the interaction, and if she’s at all interested in you, or at least curious, she’ll go along with it and never shut you down with a “no.”
Here are some examples of “wack” questions that clueless guys ask, followed by the Alpha “spin” on the same question:
WACK: Can I buy you a drink?
ALPHA: So tell me something interesting about yourself, that’s going to make me want to have a drink with you.
WACK: Do you mind if I get your phone number?
ALPHA: We should exchange numbers. (as you take out your phone) So what’s a good time to call you tomorrow?
WACK: Want to go back to my place?
ALPHA: Let’s go to my place and I’ll show you that _______ I told you about. (Fill in the blank with something you mentioned earlier, that you want to show her.) I’ve got a bottle of red wine you’re going to love, it’s a new label you have to try.
WACK: Would you like to dance?
ALPHA: I’m going to need to take you onto the dance floor. I don’t want you standing here looking like a wallflower.
WACK: Would you like to hang out sometime?
ALPHA: My friends told me about this new lounge that has great music on Friday and Saturday nights. Which night is better for you?
Those are just a few examples. Always remember that ordinary, common men who play it “safe” are the ones who ask permission from women. This results in a lot of “No’s,” and a lot of disappointment, frustration, and masturbation! Flip the script and start “spinning” your questions to make them more powerful, interesting and effective.
This is one of the keys to dating single women on a new level — and making it feel fun and easy, the way it should be.
Your Wingman,
Dean Cortez
